Warning: Vehement venting!
When I was putting Boo to bed tonight she told me that her dad left her with Miss 10 and Mr 13 on Saturday while he went to collect The Revolting Miss 16 from wherever she was.
I have expressed to him before that I am not comfortable with Boo being left supervised by his teens/pre-teens, and that if he is looking after her she needs to be in his supervision.
I phoned FW (F!@k Wit) to remind him I am not comfortable with it and could he please not to do it again.
An argument ensued, he thinks his children are perfectly responsible to look after her, and he never gets a say in her upbringing!
Then he hung up!
Geez, I wanted a sperm donor not an ex-husband!!!
I am really angry that he is becoming so demanding, but I’m also really worried that he will want to seek some custody…
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14 Responses to Aaaarrrgggghhhhh!!!!!
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Because I said so!
Aaaaarrrgggghhh shite!! You are right in what you say, you wanted a sperm donor, not an ex-husband, which is the way he is acting. Good for you to vent here!!
I am so screaming for you right now.
My offer still stands – give him my number and I’ll tell him the FO.
Hugs Lani. I hope he remembers his sperm donor status soon.
Not good enough on his part. Irresponsible git.
It doesn’t matter what his status is – YOU are the mother and the custodial parent and, suck it up SD, YOU DO get to say that it is unacceptable to leave your toddler in the sole care of pre-pubescent and threshhold children.
In fact, even if you were together you would be able to state that.
It is SUCH a pity that something that started on such a sound basis, that moved to something else because of nice things ends up being a bit tainted and you wish for the something that started on such a sound basis with no extra frills.
Oh, I’m feeling really pissed off for you Lani! I just don’t get people who are all about “my” rights and what “I” need. When will these dickheads finally grow up and realise it’s not about them?
Sorry, looks like that venting is catching!
I wish I had something useful to suggest, but I think you’re doing the right thing. I would be angry about my kids being left in the care of 10 and 13 year olds and you have every right to object to that. As awful as the thought of a custody dispute would be, you’re right to consider that and it’s worth keeping it in mind with all your dealings with him. Trying to find the balance between doing the right thing by Boo, not giving him the slightest ammunition against you and keeping the peace so as not to inflame a custody battle is really difficult.
Good luck and ((((hugs))))
Oh Lani. I would be LIVID. Absolutely LIVID.
((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))
But I also know that nothing that you can say or do is going to change the way that he treats Boo when she is with him (well, in my experience anyway).
And knowing how HORRENDOUS a custody battle is (in the middle of one now, as you know) I would choose my battles with him very very carefully.
I guess I would be doing the “I know that it’s difficult with all of the kids together, and that it’s tempting to leave Boo with _____ and _____, but she’s at an age where she can move very quickly and needs to be watched pretty much all of the time and therefore I’m uncomfortable with it”
…. or something. You know the drill.
I would WANT to yell and argue, but I know from bitter experience that that only makes things worse.
Mind you, I’ve been doing the “I understand, however I feel…” thing for years and I’m still LIVID about the way my ex treats my kids.
Oh hell Lani. I don’t know. I’ll shut up now. xoxoxo
Melody – Aaarggghhhh shite… about sums it up!
Alison – Cheers sweetie, not sure FO would be all that helpful!
Jen – He won’t see it as irresponsible! Bloody git!
Jeanie – Exactly!!!
Guera – The leaving MY toddler with kids and thinking that is acceptable really needed something said. I let a lot lie so as not to rock the boat but that is something I feel strongly about!
Fe – I tried so hard to put it that way, but its so hard when the other end gets defensive and argumentative… You know the story
Fe -
Gee, that is real bad!!!!!
Why does he want Boo around if he´s not there anyhows.
How did Boo feel about all that?
I know honey. I knew I wasn’t giving you any new info. Just felt helpless, as I was sharing your frustration.
It’s a lose-lose situation. One that I’ve been coping with for ten years now. And I STILL have trouble coping with it. AND I still lose it with him on the phone because he’s aggressive and defensive and plain outright RUDE.
YES they have rights as fathers, but NOT the right to ignore concerns of risky behaviour that the mothers’ have. If DH (my ex) had ever telephoned me with a concern for the way that I treated the kids, I would listen to him and then either a) change my behaviour because his feelings on the subject are relevant, or b) ignore him. I would NOT be a defensive or rude prat.
THAT is what drives me insane about the behaviour that DH and FW display.
(((((((( hugs ))))))))
I agree I wouldn’t leave my sons with their 15 yr old brother alone.
You have very right to be angry but I do agree with Fe.
I would be taking careful notes too…based on what I read on Fe’s blog.
Iris – I think Boo realises its unacceptable, or she wouldn’t have told me… but on the other hand she thinks they’re big kids and that its ok (but maybe FW told her that)?
Fe – Yep, Fe they just don’t get that its not about them, and its more about the children’s wellbeing!
Trish – I have kept a diary from the beginning. Just to be on the safe side! I knew someone going through a custody battle when I was pregnant…
Sounds like you’re being really sensible about it Lani. Keeping notes is essential, I think. And as Fe says, you probably do have to choose your battles, but I know it must be infuriating to think you need to walk on eggshells in case he decides to go for custody. ((hugs))
I think you are right to feel uncomfortable.
I couldn't leave I & N with Immy and Maddy. I just couldn't do it.
Good on you for speaking your mind.
Having said all of that, hugs. I see that you are in a particularly hard place when it comes to the SD. I don't know what I would do…
Guera – Its the eggshell walking, and his poor communication skills that annoy me most of the time!
Tiff – In hindsight, there are quite a few things I would have done differently