Around the time Boo turned 3, I suspected she was part of a clique. I had visions of the movie Mean Girls made with 3 year olds. There have been times I have had to speak to her about some of the comments she makes especially about excluding other kids at kindy, or even the cliques exclusion of their own members.
The clique originally had 3 members, a few months back the threesome included a new girl into their circle. I think the new member wields a fair bit more influence over the exclusion of others than the original threesome ever did… though it may also be as these girls are getting older they are becoming more aware of the powers (if that is the word) a clique provides them with.
I was talking to one of the other members mother’s at a party on Sunday, and she rose the topic of this little clique, and how she is horrified that one of her daughters is the cool girl.
Boo, thankfully is not a follower, and quite often will go against the clique when they are not being very nice (or so she tells me in her own words). I believe her because she is the queen of ‘random acts of kindness.’ I do worry though that this may not always be the case. Having said that, Boo has been referred to by her daycare and kindy teachers as the Queen Bee on many occasions in the past couple of years, so I’m not ruling her out completely as the ring leader.
I have mixed feelings about this clique. On one hand, I am happy that she is popular and cool and not out on the fringes, but on the other hand, I worry about her self-identity, and confidence in her own individualism as she gets older if this is a pattern that continues throughout her childhood.
Next year, these four little girls will see less of each other. They are all off to school kindy for part of the time, and at the ‘big kindy’ they go to now part of the time. All four will be at different school kindies, and the following year all four will be at different schools. It will be interesting to see what happens then!
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7 Responses to A Clique
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Because I said so!
probably it is still very innocent at this age and nothing to worry about.
Boo sounds very sensible and is obviously well liked (like her mumma).
At least for knows when they aren’t being nice and goes against them, being able to identify this early shows what a great girl you are raising.
I struggle with the same issues with Gigi. She is in a little clique of 3 at school with about 3-4 other girls on the fringes. She would play with all of the girls quite happily on their own, but as soon as you get more than 2 together there is a little power play. I have the same mixed feelings as you – you would hate to think my child is excluded or picked upon, but I would be horrified if Gigi was the one being mean and excluding others. On the occasions when she has been on the outer with the others I have viewed it as a good learning experience and I try to remind her of how that felt when I think she is doing the same to others. There has been a lot of discussion amongst the mothers about it, occasionally bordering on who is to blame, and I have to say I don’t like that at all. I have now stopped talking about it with them because I don’t think it gets us anywhere and I don’t think any of the girls are better or worse than the others. I will step in or discuss things with Gigi when its an issue, but on the whole I think they need to work it out for themselves and learn to find their own way.
I wouldn’t worry too much about this particular clique since it sounds like they will be separated in the next few years, but there may well be a new one at the new school. Unfortunately these things seem to be starting younger and younger.
Here’s hoping we’re setting them good examples and giving them a good moral grounding to develop into kind and well-liked young girls
Firstly, congrats on the new digs!
Secondly, we all worry about the socialisation of our babies, don’t we. My problem at that age was that ‘Salina is a “best friends” type of person, and I used to have to talk to her about expanding her circle and not just focus on one.
Boo will learn – and she has a great Mum for keeping it in perspective with her.
Boo is sensible and has a great Mum. She’ll make good choices.
Insight did a show about this last night. It’s up on the website if you’re interested. They raised some good points and there was one woman in particular who had some good ideas and thoughts on helping girls be leaders and use their social power for good.
With you as her role model, I’m sure Boo is well on the way to flexing her playground muscle for the right reasons
Man, I was on duty yesterday, and the GIRLS! oooh, nasty!
And manipulative ! And liars! Wow.
On their own? Oh – loveable, squeezable, adorable, melty goodness. I did a jigsaw with one of the main manipulators, and I haven’t spent much one-on-one with her before: OH! what a sweetie, I can see how she divides and conquers – when she shines her light on you, well, you just want to be her bestie !!
Not saying boys are better, just different ( and fraught with their own issues and worry me in other ways ), but they just aren’t nasty/cliquey. You’re being a nasty boy? Fine, i’m out-of-here and going to go play something else with someone else, I don’t need you anyway.
They still get hurt, but there’s less mindplay. Except when it comes to his girlfriend, of course … who mainly loves him, but sometimes cuts him short with an “oh, you’re not my boyfriend anymore”, sharp turn of the heels, and she’s gone. My son has no idea why she suddently won’t play with him. It’s fickle.
[...] a little as there really was a little bit of a clique happening there which I’ve mentioned before here and [...]